For many years, unconsciously, I tried to share with people about the subject or skills which allowed me to resolve some problems or helped me to be a better person. Then I realized that people are more interested to be heard and have someone who listened to them, instead of having a lecture on some topics they did not ask, even if objectively it may help. Through the NLP course, I realized that in order to effectively implement a good intention to help colleagues or friend, you have first to build a good rapport and understand their needs. There is a term in NLP you should get familiar with- Pacing and Leading.
To begin with, it is essential to understand that everybody has different level of needs to fulfill. According to world renowned NLP coach Anthony Robbins, these needs are certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution to the community. Yet, based on our experience and life context, at any given moment, each person wants to fulfill some needs more than others. Being able to understand one’s needs allows you to better influence him/her. However, it is not always easy for anyone to be open and share feelings unless there is a minimum level of trust or rapport between the present people.
When I flew in to Singapore and attended Jacky’s NLP certification training, I learned two major communication elements:
- We interact with the surrounding with our 5 senses. For every individual, usually one or two of these senses might be predominant. One may have some preferences for the visual (V), others on auditory (A) or kinesthetic (K). In other words, a visual person will “store” in his/her brain an experience in a visual way, with possibly some limited sounds, while an auditory friend, will keep mainly the sounds and less about the visual. This preference to interact with the “outside” world is also called Modality and is reflected in the words used when we speak (also called predicates) as well as through our eye patterns.
- When we communicate with people, not only do we share ideas through oral communication (7%), but also the tone of our voice (38%) and finally our body language (55%).
If there’s anything that I have benefitted tremendously from the NLP course, it must be the NLP pacing exercise that our trainer went through with us. It focused mainly on these elements:
- Identify the modality of your counterpart, and use the related predicates as much as possible.
- Spot the major elements of the body language and mirror them.
My pacing exercise started very slowly. I practiced the techniques with few (5) people with whom I spend most of my time in the office. It really took me some time to identify the preferred modality of these people. It did not work at the first place, due to the stress at work. I was not in the best of states and kept forgetting to practice my sensory acuity (something that I gradually mastered in the NLP Practitioner Course).
Later, I decided to apply the same techniques in a more peaceful environment; while we had lunch together. It was definitely easier. I tried my best to spot predicates and identify the preferred modality of few people. I refrained myself to talk too much and just mirrored them (especially when they changed their posture).
After a few weeks of practice, I finally managed to get good rapport with two of them. Moreover I was able to better understand their feelings and needs, since this NLP technique also aids me in getting touch with their perceptual positions.
Today, I feel there is more trust within the team. Certainly, there’s much more resources and power I have yet to tap into and I am sure my continued NLP self-coaching process will take me far in life.
Author: Anonymous